Family Emergencies

There is nothing in the world like that gut wrenching feeling you get when the phone rings or you get a text message whether by phone or on a social network or an email saying call me something terrible has happened.

Your heart races, you feel like your lungs have shrunk to the size of marbles, and you can't seem to make your hands work to dial the phone.

As you wait for the answer on the other end you mind conjures up all kinds of terrible and vile scenarios. Car accidents, drunken bar fight, airplane crash, boat sunk, drowning, vicious dog bites, motorcycle accident, heart attack, seizure, stroke, it's always something horrific that makes you want to faint and throw up at the same time.

This time it was coronary heart failure, mixed with diabetic shock. My second oldest sister P.J. She had already had two heart surgeries in the past. Her life style is hectic to say the least and always dramatic and traumatic. 

Since we were kids she was always the life of the party, charged full steam ahead in everything that she did, never one to back down in a fight. She should have been a boy. She has a wicked funny sense of humor and I miss her dearly on days when my pain gets the best of me.

So now you know why there was no blog yesterday. I was miserable! I woke up in so much pain, felt like I had been utilizing a rowing machine in my sleep! Every muscle hurt and my rods and screws were screaming bloody murder at me. I got up, got slowly dressed and wondered into the kitchen to the lovely aroma of coffee. My husband had already had coffee made so I grabbed a cup and my pain pills, sat at my laptop and jumped on facebook.

There it was...in my messages and on my facebook wall. My niece sent me a message saying she was taking her mom to the hospital. No hospital name, no hospital number...just my niece's cell phone number. I desperately looked around for my cell phone. Where did I leave it now! I got up and slowly, God so slowly...made my way into our bedroom to see it across the room on the charger. It looked a mile away! Always does when your in pain doesn't it.

I brought it into the living room only to realize it wasn't charged! I didn't plug it in all the way! I started to cry. I quickly plugged it in and started sending messages on facebook. Where was she, how was she, what did the docs say, and so on. My husband God bless him!, brought my phone to me, plugged it in, next to the table where I sat. He had me move over a seat closer to where it was plugged in, said "see it's still charging you can still talk while it's charging babe". My calm in the storm. Why didn't I think of that? I knew that fact. I have done it before.

I called my older sister and one of my other aunts while chatting with another niece online. I called my dad, left a message on his phone. Back and forth it all went for almost 3 hours before everyone in the family had been reached. It's amazing how wonderful my family can be in a time of crisis. No matter what has happened in the past it all goes away and we all pull together.

I was a wreck. I was still in serious pain. I wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep. After sending messages back and forth for almost another two hours on facebook. I finally decided I needed to just rest. Which I did. I distracted myself with stupid things so I wouldn't have to think much. It didn't help.

By 5 PM I was pretty much exhausted. Ray took us out to Joe's Pizza, Pasta, and Subs. I ate most of a salad and was ready to go home and sleep.

Nope that didn't happen! We needed to make a grocery run. Our son needed school lunch supplies. Thankfully it was in the same strip mall. I walked to clear my head. Bad day to walk. The wind was gusting at almost 20 miles per hour, and it brought dirt and dust with it from west Texas. The sun had set and it was dark out and temps had dropped along with the sun. By the time I got most of the way around the square to the grocery store, Ray had parked the truck and was walking towards me. We got inside and did our shopping. We ended up spending more than we expected. Got everything our son needed and more. lol. I was done for the day. My legs were now screaming at me. Nerve pain is an awful thing to experience!

We headed home. By the time we got home. I could barely move from the pain. My husband put me in an arm chair and told me "don't move from that spot!". he and my son put away the groceries. My son brought me a cup of "mud" over cooked coffee. I took half a vicadon. Within 20 minutes. I was ready to fall asleep sitting there. I went to the couch and curled up and napped for almost an hour before finally going to bed for the night.

I was finally able to reach P.J. at the hospital this afternoon. First thing I said to her when she answered was "See this is what happens when you don't call your little sister more often, your heart breaks!" She laughed, A huge amount of relief filled me. I knew she was going to be okay. She told me everything the docs said and did. She was signing the paperwork to be released already. She was going to go home and get some rest.

I am grateful to the docs and nurses that took care of her and I'm glad she is okay. If you have a loved one who has been or is being taken care of by doctors and nurses, please let them know that you are grateful too. Tell them thank you, send them a letter or a card to place at the nurses station. They deserve it.

Now I can get back to healing me, and get my butt in gear and work some more on my book.

Thanks for stopping by and listening to me rant and rave again.

See you next time for more coffee and conversation!

Pretty Pretty Please

Had a good day today. Hubby stayed late this morning so we took his bike into the shop then went to lunch at Joe's Pizza, Pasta & subs. I ordered one of my favorites Chicken Marsala. I ate the entire dish! I usually can't finish it, but this afternoon I was famished. I usually order the Baked Ziti. I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it! I just finished dinner about 3 hours ago I should be full by now!

Joe's Pizza, Pasta & Subs. Great bunch of guys from NY!

After Ray dropped me off back at home after lunch I took a half a Vicadon instead of taking a whole Tramadol. I crashed 10 minutes later for 2 and 1/2 hours. Was in a good deal of pain but didn't want to tell him. he stresses about it so much as it is. I don't want to make him worry anymore than he already does.

Made a fairly light dinner tonight, lightly seared smoked polish sausage, creamy mushroom gravy and brown rice. I was still pretty full from lunch.

After dinner was cleared away and dishes were being done, I announced "It's family Game Night" So Ray and my son both picked out a game for tonight. They chose Yahtzee. I bought that game a few months back. I love game night. My son won the first game. I won the second thanks to two Yahtzee's. :0) Didn't have time for a third game, it's a school night and my son had to go to bed. We all had a good time. That's what game night is all about. No computers, no TV, no hiding in a bedroom listening to the radio, just us sitting at the table, playing the game, laughing and talking.

During the last game a song came on the radio that we had on for background noise that I liked the tune too. I never really listed to the lyrics of it before.  Pink's "Pretty Pretty Please". My husband started singing it, asked me if I liked this song. I said yes and told him I liked the tune but didn't know the words to it. Once I started listening, I mean really listening...I started crying. My husband knew the words, which shocked me. I know them now, well the clean version of the song that is.

I sat and watched the Pink video after my son was tucked into bed for the night. The little dark haired girl in the video could have been me as a child. Always misunderstood and mistreated. I felt like I was her...watching my childhood unfold before me on the computer screen. There are several videos of the song, even one lip synced by a little blond haired girl who made her own video about the song. I watched both, then when Ray came back in from reading to our son he played it again. I asked him not to. He asked me why, and all I could say was "Because it's too painful" He didn't pause the video he let it play. He held me and told me for far too long people have treated me like crap and so have I. It was time that I started treating myself better. he held me while I cried.

If you've never heard the song or read the lyrics. Here they are...

Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.

So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.

Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)

[Yeah~, Ohh~ pretty pretty please, Ohh~]

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

You're perfect, You're perfect
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

So after all that I came here to be with you, my readers. Now you know a little bit more about me. There is so much more to me than meets the eye. I am hoping you will continue to come and read  what I have to say. If you want to follow along and not miss anything please click the FOLLOW button on the top right hand of the blog. You won't regret it.

See you next time for more coffee & conversation.