My Pain & Rain

Was a quiet day here today. I spent it desperately trying to get caught up on the laundry. No such luck there! I have a preteen boy who thinks he's a teenage girl! He changes clothes more than most girls I knew growing up. The combinations! Makes you want to ask him and his friends "who dresses you in the mornings!". I bet if you put them all in a gymnasium and asked that all the moms would shake their heads and collectively say..hmm hmm "Not me honey...I know better than that!". He doesn't wear those drastically low pants that the kids these days seem to be doing...still. I told him if I ever caught him wearing them that way I would pull them and his underwear all the way to his ankles and make him walk around the block with a sign saying..."I don't know how to pull my pants up". He does however wear his clothes in layers...3 or 4 layers, then has to change from school clothes to play clothes after school.

Ray is the same way with shirts...a t-shirt, a shirt, and a sweater. that's 15 shirts in 5 days just for 1 person then throw in my sons and it's 30 to 45 shirts, plus 5 from me, maybe 7 if I wear sweaters over a shirt on cold days. then throw in the jeans, socks, under garments...that's a shit load of laundry for just three people!

Storms rolled in from the south and the temps dropped with it. If you have arthritis, had major surgery, rods, screws, any muscle disease, and so on you know with the oncoming rain the pain comes with it. Today was bad pain day. So much so I grabbed my pillow in between laundry loads and just laid on the couch.

Ray came home early because he was feeling under the weather today. So I made dinner very early tonight. Ham & Cheese rolled up inside crescent rolls, and home made tomato & basil soup. I was wanting some to combat the dreary weather outside. I got the recipe here:

Creamy Tomato Soup

After dinner I got the dinner dishes done as quickly as I could, made coffee, then went into our bedroom and turned on the mattress heater and laid on my back. Hoping to get rid of a monster of a headache, the aches in my spine, and the pain in my right leg today. It helped some, but I missed putting my son to bed and that tears me apart more than the pain does.

I once tried describing my pain to someone...I shall try again.

When I walk: it feels like someone is taking a very thick sharp needle and stabbing it fairly hard at the base of my spine on both the left and right side of my bones.

In my legs it feels like the ache you get in your legs when you run/walk as fast as you can and you get that burning feeling in your muscles for hours. Mine is almost constant.

In my big toes and tops of my feet...it's like some taking a hot poker out of a fire and running it across my feet and toes. It doesn't last very long...maybe a minute or two. When it comes, if I am sitting my leg will shoot out from where it is and stay out in front of me. Sometimes I can curl my toes, most times not...I involuntarily take a deep breath in. It can't be helped. I wait out the pain. Sometimes I will try rubbing my foot back and forth on a cloth surface...the carpet the side of the couch, the bed...I think it's psychological to try and get it to stop.

Behind my knees...sometimes behind my knees will cramp up. To the point where I cannot bend my legs at all. That usually last for a half hour or more.

Leg cramps and twitching...I will just be sitting or laying down and all of the sudden the muscles will start twitching, some times mild sometimes so strong it shakes all of me. A good twitch will send my leg straight out, waking me from sleep sometimes. Not so good when in a small place (like a car). Leg cramps are a constant. It very disconcerting to watch the muscle in my calves sink in and stay there. The pain is mind bending! Thigh cramps make me want to scream. They are God awful things to deal with.

My hips feel like they are grinding glass sometimes. When walking or just sitting.

When I lay on my back..it has to be a completely flat surface. We had to buy a whole bed after I had my surgery, even then it wasn't quite right. Ray had to cut plywood and put it under our mattress.

When I roll onto my sides the pain changes...if I lay on my left side it tries to pull the spine downward towards my left hip. It's kind of like the feeling you get when you carry a heavy toddler on your left hip for awhile up a hill, then put the child down and straighten back up. The pain you feel in your hip and back right then and there is close but...now double the pain.

When I roll onto my right side the pain is much worse than it is on my left. So needless to say I don't do it for very long.

When I lay on my side...my feet have to be perfectly matched up with each other. No laying one foot out in front of the other on the bed. It pulls to much on my hips and spine.

Cold on my feet...I live in a trailer home so the floor has nothing but air under it. In the winter months the floor can get very very cold. With the cold comes the pain. Serious pain. Ray has bought me super thick socks that help some. I will end up wearing shoes.

Wearing shoes...any type of shoe hurts and irritates my feet to no end. Even though my left foot is 90% numb it still irritates the side that isn't. How to describe the irritation...it's kind of like a mild sunburn feeling, mixed with a nerve wracking tingling, like when you foot goes to sleep. That's as close as I can get to it.

Sitting in a chair...I cannot sit in any type of soft chair. It has to be a solid seat with a ram rod straight back.I have to constantly shift positions in the chair to get comfortable.

Riding in a vehicle...it's like someone taking a baseball bat to me, I feel every tiny bump in the road, and curves make me want to faint. Ray tries so hard to take curves (clover leaf style ones) so very slowly, pisses other drivers off. Speed bumps make me cry. You know how on a road it will feel like a roller coaster ride...where it literally lifts you off the seat and makes the kids in the back seat laugh and yell weeeee....those are maddening for me. Breaking...that lurching you have to do in major cities when some idiot doesn't use his blinker or the light changes just as you are approaching it. Almost the same pain as i get when I lay on my right side.

Getting in and out of a vehicle...I have to use a step stool. I stand on it with my right foot because I can still feel most of it. I have to grab onto Ray with both my hands and he holds me under my arms. I push upwards with my right leg as best as I can, while Ray lifts under my arms. 9 times out of 10 I have to stop to catch my breath and hold on to Ray until the sudden sharp pain in my back from the push off dies down. Then he gently helps me sit down in the seat. Now we have to turn me to face forward, sometimes having to grab my left leg by my pants and lifting it up and over...it's half numb. Then the matter of reaching back to get the seat belt to put around me. Not an easy task because it hurts to twist my back at any hard angle.

Making love...what's that? No really we have tried...there is no comfortable way, no way that doesn't cause me pain. You may think well why does he stay, how do you know he hasn't gotten it on the side? Because he is home every night, he even comes home early, calls me every day from work to check on me. Besides there are other ways to make love to your husband than having sex. I trust my husband and he trusts me.

Too personal for you? Well some people have asked...I have also been accused of "faking it" (my pain and injuries) to get attention...really? Why would anyone fake rods and screws?

Hugging....I have to have Ray or my son hug me as they would a frail elderly person. I want so much to be able to bear hug my son. He is having to grow up to fast for my liking because of this. He has started helping me to cook, and clean the house. At 9 years old it doesn't seem fair.

Doing chores...I have to do very small loads of laundry. Putting them in the washer from the laundry basket is no easy task. Be cause I have to bend to do both. Putting them into the dryer from the washer...if the get stuck under the agitator I have to work it lose very gently. I do NOT tuck on it at all. I tried once...will NEVER do it again. Pain shot down from my spine and into my legs then back up to my rods and screws. I screamed and clung to the washing machine for dear life. Getting clothes out of the dryer to hang up and fold. A little harder to do. I have an old washer and dryer. I have to open the door on the dryer sideways...bend and reach in...well that won't work! So I find other ways to get it done. Squatting in front of the dryer...A rolling cart helps. Sit on the floor put the clothes into a hamper on the rolling cart. It has to be a low cart. The get up and just roll the cart to where I am folding the clothes at. My laundry toom is tiny, just enough room to stand in front of the washer and dryer.

Sweeping the floors...I only have three floors that need sweeping...kitchen, and 2 bathrooms, all fairly small areas. Ever tried sweeping while on crutches? My son is still no good at it. I lol at him, it's very funny to watch. I do the best I can, rest for a half hour then do it again to make sure it's clean.

Vacuuming...Ray bought me a self propelled vacuum. I have to do maybe a 2 foot by 2 foot, rest, do another, rest do another, rest, and so on. My son learned how to use the vacuum last week. That he did very well. I do not want him doing all the chores. He is young and so needs to be a boy and have fun.

Dusting...that I can still do if it's just above eye level to the floor...I can sit on the floor and dust.

Doing the dishes...my son helps me with that too. I will rinse them he will put them in the dishwasher. I still wash my pots, pans, and glass bowls by hand. I will lean forward against the sink to do this.

Dancing...how my husband and I met. I so miss it. I cannot dance not even a slow dance. It hurts to much.

Going up and down steps...I use 1 crutch and hold onto the railing with the other hand and I go at a very slow pace. It takes me almost a minute to go down 5 steps. Almost 2 minutes to come back up.

Elevators...they have always caused me vertigo. Now along with that it pulls at me. Like being stretched. Kind of painful. Just glad when the ride is over.

Getting dressed...how long do you take to get dressed? The average male takes about 5 minutes, the average (I said average people) takes about 9 minutes. It takes me nearly thirty minutes to get dressed (just clothes). From putting on a pair of underwear, then trying to get the bra on without pulling my arms to far back behind me (I learned how to put it on backwards then turn it around). Then putting on jeans...so not any easy task. One of the harder things to do. I have to sit on the end of the bed, put one leg up on the bed with my foot nearly touching the knee of my other leg. Put the jeans on that foot, pull them up to the knee, lower the foot back down and lean backwards to get the other foot up on the bed. Then do the same thing...now stand up without falling down. Using my crutches I stand myself up. I pull the jeans up slowly so I don't jerk my spine in any direction. Now time to get my shirt/blouse on. If it's button I have to very carefully put each arms in, ever notice that you twist your back to put one of those on? Next time you get dressed pay careful attention to every detail. Pull overs/t-shirts are little easier to do. Now for the socks and shoes. I have to once again sit on the bed the same way I did with the jeans. This time putting on socks. I have come to use "toe" socks now. Less rubbing of one toe against the others. When your feet are numb you can't feel if the toe nails are digging into the other toes. Now the shoes. Sitting once again the same way as the jeans and socks. If I'm having a very bad morning Ray will help me put them on. I always cry. I so do NOT want to be a burden to anyone. When was the last time someone helped you get dressed?

As with any injury you try to compensate in other ways. A new way to walk, sit, stand, lay. You retrain your body to do every day things in a brand new way. Sometimes your body fights back or reacts in a manner that causes a whole new pain somewhere else.

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful and supporting husband and son. I thank God for them with every breath that I take. 

So now you know just a little bit more about me. Any questions? Comments?

See you next time for more coffee and conversation.

Family Emergencies

There is nothing in the world like that gut wrenching feeling you get when the phone rings or you get a text message whether by phone or on a social network or an email saying call me something terrible has happened.

Your heart races, you feel like your lungs have shrunk to the size of marbles, and you can't seem to make your hands work to dial the phone.

As you wait for the answer on the other end you mind conjures up all kinds of terrible and vile scenarios. Car accidents, drunken bar fight, airplane crash, boat sunk, drowning, vicious dog bites, motorcycle accident, heart attack, seizure, stroke, it's always something horrific that makes you want to faint and throw up at the same time.

This time it was coronary heart failure, mixed with diabetic shock. My second oldest sister P.J. She had already had two heart surgeries in the past. Her life style is hectic to say the least and always dramatic and traumatic. 

Since we were kids she was always the life of the party, charged full steam ahead in everything that she did, never one to back down in a fight. She should have been a boy. She has a wicked funny sense of humor and I miss her dearly on days when my pain gets the best of me.

So now you know why there was no blog yesterday. I was miserable! I woke up in so much pain, felt like I had been utilizing a rowing machine in my sleep! Every muscle hurt and my rods and screws were screaming bloody murder at me. I got up, got slowly dressed and wondered into the kitchen to the lovely aroma of coffee. My husband had already had coffee made so I grabbed a cup and my pain pills, sat at my laptop and jumped on facebook.

There it was...in my messages and on my facebook wall. My niece sent me a message saying she was taking her mom to the hospital. No hospital name, no hospital number...just my niece's cell phone number. I desperately looked around for my cell phone. Where did I leave it now! I got up and slowly, God so slowly...made my way into our bedroom to see it across the room on the charger. It looked a mile away! Always does when your in pain doesn't it.

I brought it into the living room only to realize it wasn't charged! I didn't plug it in all the way! I started to cry. I quickly plugged it in and started sending messages on facebook. Where was she, how was she, what did the docs say, and so on. My husband God bless him!, brought my phone to me, plugged it in, next to the table where I sat. He had me move over a seat closer to where it was plugged in, said "see it's still charging you can still talk while it's charging babe". My calm in the storm. Why didn't I think of that? I knew that fact. I have done it before.

I called my older sister and one of my other aunts while chatting with another niece online. I called my dad, left a message on his phone. Back and forth it all went for almost 3 hours before everyone in the family had been reached. It's amazing how wonderful my family can be in a time of crisis. No matter what has happened in the past it all goes away and we all pull together.

I was a wreck. I was still in serious pain. I wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep. After sending messages back and forth for almost another two hours on facebook. I finally decided I needed to just rest. Which I did. I distracted myself with stupid things so I wouldn't have to think much. It didn't help.

By 5 PM I was pretty much exhausted. Ray took us out to Joe's Pizza, Pasta, and Subs. I ate most of a salad and was ready to go home and sleep.

Nope that didn't happen! We needed to make a grocery run. Our son needed school lunch supplies. Thankfully it was in the same strip mall. I walked to clear my head. Bad day to walk. The wind was gusting at almost 20 miles per hour, and it brought dirt and dust with it from west Texas. The sun had set and it was dark out and temps had dropped along with the sun. By the time I got most of the way around the square to the grocery store, Ray had parked the truck and was walking towards me. We got inside and did our shopping. We ended up spending more than we expected. Got everything our son needed and more. lol. I was done for the day. My legs were now screaming at me. Nerve pain is an awful thing to experience!

We headed home. By the time we got home. I could barely move from the pain. My husband put me in an arm chair and told me "don't move from that spot!". he and my son put away the groceries. My son brought me a cup of "mud" over cooked coffee. I took half a vicadon. Within 20 minutes. I was ready to fall asleep sitting there. I went to the couch and curled up and napped for almost an hour before finally going to bed for the night.

I was finally able to reach P.J. at the hospital this afternoon. First thing I said to her when she answered was "See this is what happens when you don't call your little sister more often, your heart breaks!" She laughed, A huge amount of relief filled me. I knew she was going to be okay. She told me everything the docs said and did. She was signing the paperwork to be released already. She was going to go home and get some rest.

I am grateful to the docs and nurses that took care of her and I'm glad she is okay. If you have a loved one who has been or is being taken care of by doctors and nurses, please let them know that you are grateful too. Tell them thank you, send them a letter or a card to place at the nurses station. They deserve it.

Now I can get back to healing me, and get my butt in gear and work some more on my book.

Thanks for stopping by and listening to me rant and rave again.

See you next time for more coffee and conversation!

Is Sex Love?

Does having sex really mean you love someone? Sex is a physical act, but is it an emotional act? The debate rages on, most men would tell you that yes having sex is showing that you love someone. Most women would argue in the opposite direction.

As a woman I tent to sway on the fermale side of that argument and I will tell you why.

Sex is a physical act. Plain and simple. There is no emotion to having sex. It is an act of pure selfishness and self pleasure.

Ask yourself this question. When you want to have sex...why is that you want to have it? Is it because you want to fulfill yourself emotionally? Or is it because you want to fulfill yourself physically?

Most people both male and female would say because they want to satisfy the physical need.

Some men would argue that God said to them to procreate and that's a built in genetic. The driving need to procreate, which in turn means having sex. Some men are taught to believe that having sex means you love someone. That refusing to have sex with someone means you do not love them.

When a woman has sex and "if" she has the big "O" she will be satisfied and be able to sleep afterwords. Most women don't have the big "O" as often as they need to for the self pleasure release that it gives when it throws out those hormones that tell the brain 'okay I feel better I'm done". Most women will only have 1 out of every 10 times.


Men on the other hand will keep going until they have the "O" then stop and maybe clean up. (I would hope that he would and help her to as well) Once they have reached their "O" most men are done for about 4 to 8 hours. Depending on their age, weight, and health.

Once the male has reached his "O" has she? Most women haven't, and will stay unsatisfied.  So the need for sex diminishes after a while, while more important issues take center stage in her life.

Now lets throw in the age factor. Most men as the get into their late 30's mid 40's go into a midlife "crisis". While women on the other hand start in the early 30's and stop at the early 40's.

By the time most women are into their 40's the nesting and nurturing side of them kicks into high gear. The need to make the home the place to be. They want to settle down and start relaxing. The need to find time for themselves. To be able to relax and pamper themselves as well as their families. The need for sex diminishes.

Men on the other hand have a raging sex drive almost similar to what they experienced in their teens. They feel the need to be more physical more often.

Now lets throw in medical issues. Men who have a medical condition will not feel this urge as strongly as a man with no medical condition. He will feel it and will do his best to satisfy that urge but if pain interferes he will stop all attempts until he feels a little bit better. Then go about satisfying that urge full steam ahead.

Now lets turn those tables and look at the female side of that same issue. When a woman is in any type of pain she will turn down any and all advances until she feels completely healed. No matter how long it takes.

Some women once they hit menopause "if" they start hormonal treatments they may begin to feel the urge to have sex again. Thereby making their husbands very happy.

I don't see how men can say sex is love. Love is an emotion that you feel. It's a strong emotional tug on your heart that makes you feel warm, makes your heart beat faster, makes you feel like "yeah this feels right" or "this feels like home".

So tell me friends....what's your decision on this? Leave me a comment and let me know.

Hair Today, Gone Tonight!

Spent most of the day doing nothing. I was too tired and too sore to do much of anything.

Took a very long hot shower to try and help with the back pain. It worked for a short while.

Turned out to be a very warm day outside today. Thankfully. My son decided it was a great day to be outside and playing. Usually he wants to stay indoors playing video games. I told him and his friend "not today". They both gave me that  "awe mom" look. They both groaned and went outside. Boys will be boys.

When he came back in it was fairly close to supper time. You ever had one of those nights where you just didn't feel like cooking? We decided to have a "breakfast" for dinner night. It was fun and we got to have a special mom and son night together.

Ray came home and went straight into the bathroom, after grabbing a can of WD-40. I didn't quite know what he was up to. After ten minutes or so he came out and kissed me. He shaved off his beard. He wears one every winter. It's still winter and he shaved it off. I teased him and said "okay what made you shave it off...what's her name" I hate the beard. I cannot stand them. he knows this. I tolerate it every year. He hates daily shaving. So needless to say I was weirded out that he shaved it off all of the sudden. Hair today, gone tonight!

Sitting here watching reruns of "Friends". The episode where Monica and Chandler are making wedding plans. She buys a dress, and has to return it because of another woman who wants it but she wants the same band they both want. Ah just get the DVD's and watch and laugh your butt off.

Okay I'm done NOT making sense. >.< Just one of those days I guess. I have been in a good mood most of the day.

Wondered on to Facebook several times today, just the usually game postings, rants, presidential slams, politic statements, jokes, interesting reads, and jokes. Nothing new there. I have been spending less and less time on Facebook. I am continue on with this blog and writing a book. NO it's not about my blog. It's about...well once it's finished I'll let you read it and you can see for yourselves.

I finally found the name of the crutch Ray ordered for me. It's called a Smart Crutch. It has a built in shock absorber. Will post links tomorrow!

For now it's late and I need to go spend time with Ray.

Thanks for listening to my boring day!

See you next time for more coffee and conversation.

Nightmares, Rain, Brunch, & Nurses Oh My!

Woke up late this morning. Ray let me sleep til almost 10. We both had a rough night, seemed the entire house was plagued with nightmares last night. Ray had one, I had two, and our son had one. No I am not superstitious...but it was rather weird.

I think it rained last night, my son also mentioned it so I guess it did. Albeit probably not enough to make a difference in the way I feel today. Weather tends to make my pain either better or worse.

I have a follower! Yay! Thank you Ms. Smith! I'm glad to see someone is following me, now I sort of know someone is at least listening to me.  lol That kind of sounded self centered didn't it. I hope I don't bore everyone away.

Still waiting on a call back from the Urologist and the Gasteroenterologist. My husband would tell me to keep calling them back. They tend to get angry at you for doing that and refuse to book an appointment for you until a month later. Or if they do book a sooner appointment for you , the nurses treat you like crap because you kept calling them and causing them to stop doing what they were doing to keep answering your phone calls. So if you cannot help it, don't keep bugging the nurses. They have enough to do without having to keep stopping helping their patients because you keep calling them every 5 minutes.

Speaking of nurses...I had a wonderful one at Eclipse Medical Imaging the last two times I was there. She was very patient with me and helped me get through a very rough exam. I wish I had gotten her name. I'd like to send her flowers to say thank you.

Ray and I went to our favorite little spot for breakfast this morning. Is it breakfast or brunch if it's at 11 AM? Any way. I went a bit overboard, but since the IVP I have been hungry for big meals. I guess a liquid diet for a day and half will do that. I had 2 eggs (over easy of course, what better way to eat them with toast), 2 pieces of toast, 2 pancakes (I only ate 1 brought the other home)1 sausage patty, and 2 pieces of bacon...was wonderful! Oh the name of the place? Shorty's Diner in Irving, Texas.

Shorty's Diner

If you go there tell Fresca I sent you. You'll know her by her quirky sense of humor, her wonderful laugh, and her outgoing manner. Don't forget to tell her I said Hello!

Ray ordered me new medical canes yesterday, I will need a bunch of his assistance to learn how to use them. They are kind of like a forearm crutch but the arm part lowers and raises. Once they arrive I will take pictures of them, and have Ray take a picture of me using them.

Well folks it's time for me to get in gear and try to get some chores done before my son comes home from school.

See you next time for more coffee and conversation. :)

Pretty Pretty Please

Had a good day today. Hubby stayed late this morning so we took his bike into the shop then went to lunch at Joe's Pizza, Pasta & subs. I ordered one of my favorites Chicken Marsala. I ate the entire dish! I usually can't finish it, but this afternoon I was famished. I usually order the Baked Ziti. I'm making myself hungry just thinking about it! I just finished dinner about 3 hours ago I should be full by now!

Joe's Pizza, Pasta & Subs. Great bunch of guys from NY!

After Ray dropped me off back at home after lunch I took a half a Vicadon instead of taking a whole Tramadol. I crashed 10 minutes later for 2 and 1/2 hours. Was in a good deal of pain but didn't want to tell him. he stresses about it so much as it is. I don't want to make him worry anymore than he already does.

Made a fairly light dinner tonight, lightly seared smoked polish sausage, creamy mushroom gravy and brown rice. I was still pretty full from lunch.

After dinner was cleared away and dishes were being done, I announced "It's family Game Night" So Ray and my son both picked out a game for tonight. They chose Yahtzee. I bought that game a few months back. I love game night. My son won the first game. I won the second thanks to two Yahtzee's. :0) Didn't have time for a third game, it's a school night and my son had to go to bed. We all had a good time. That's what game night is all about. No computers, no TV, no hiding in a bedroom listening to the radio, just us sitting at the table, playing the game, laughing and talking.

During the last game a song came on the radio that we had on for background noise that I liked the tune too. I never really listed to the lyrics of it before.  Pink's "Pretty Pretty Please". My husband started singing it, asked me if I liked this song. I said yes and told him I liked the tune but didn't know the words to it. Once I started listening, I mean really listening...I started crying. My husband knew the words, which shocked me. I know them now, well the clean version of the song that is.

I sat and watched the Pink video after my son was tucked into bed for the night. The little dark haired girl in the video could have been me as a child. Always misunderstood and mistreated. I felt like I was her...watching my childhood unfold before me on the computer screen. There are several videos of the song, even one lip synced by a little blond haired girl who made her own video about the song. I watched both, then when Ray came back in from reading to our son he played it again. I asked him not to. He asked me why, and all I could say was "Because it's too painful" He didn't pause the video he let it play. He held me and told me for far too long people have treated me like crap and so have I. It was time that I started treating myself better. he held me while I cried.

If you've never heard the song or read the lyrics. Here they are...

Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

You're so mean,
When you talk, About yourself, You are wrong.
Change the voices, In your head
Make them like you Instead.

So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.

Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.
So cool in line and we try, try, try,
But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
We change ourselves and we do it all the time

Why do we do that? Why do I do that?
(Why do I do that?)

[Yeah~, Ohh~ pretty pretty please, Ohh~]

Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

You're perfect, You're perfect
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than Fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.

So after all that I came here to be with you, my readers. Now you know a little bit more about me. There is so much more to me than meets the eye. I am hoping you will continue to come and read  what I have to say. If you want to follow along and not miss anything please click the FOLLOW button on the top right hand of the blog. You won't regret it.

See you next time for more coffee & conversation.

Coffee and Soup

Good Morning! Did you sleep well? Me? Lord I wish I had! I went to bed around midnight (I keep doing that, I need to go to bed earlier!) Something woke me at around two, made myself go back to sleep. Woke up again around 4...got up went to the bathroom, and got a drink of water (yuck, tap water) I couldn't go back to sleep. I finally did around 4:45. I figured I would wake up with the alarm at 6, I woke up just before it...from a nightmare. Don't you just love waking up that way? Ha Ha...NOPE! I didn't realize I had yelled in my sleep until my husband rolled over and put his arms around me and told me everything was alright. Thank God for him...I would have stayed freaked out if he wasn't there to ground me.

Made my son cream of mushroom soup to take to school for lunch today, with toast, juice and strawberry jello. Never thought I would be making soup at the 6 in the morning! I did though, he looked happy about it and that's all that matters!

Seriously need to vacuum my living room floor to get up all those tiny pieces of Styrofoam. I have a brand new vacuum that rolls so easily I don't even feel I like I am using one.

Ray bought it for me after my adopted mom moved away and took hers with her. We shared everything from food, to pets. lol. I miss her very much. I should call her today. I would borrow her vacuum and she would borrow my steam cleaner, which also is very light and easy to use. Ray wanted to make sure that if I had to use them they would be easy for me and my son to use. Especially after my accident and spinal surgery.

Well I'm off to get another cup of coffee and spend the rest of this morning time with Ray before he goes to work.

See you next time for more coffee and conversation!

Julia Child, Julie Powell and Me

In the 80's I remember sitting in front of the TV watching Julia Child's cook on her TV show. Her sense of humor was great. Her food always looked so good. I took Home Economics in Junior High and High School because of her. 

When I found out there was a movie about someone who blogged about her I had to see it.

I finally watched Julia & Julie. Funny great movie. Was disappointed to learn that Julie Powell no longer does her blog site. I would loved to have read the whole thing from her experiences of learning to cook Julia's way. Was very disappointed to read that she also had an affair, but her and her husband worked it out. Very happy about that. But still.... was hard to picture her doing that after watching the cute little Ami portray her in the movie. I wish her the best of luck in what ever she does in life!

So after after watching the movie for a second time...a few days later I was browsing the cooking section when I happened to think, "I wonder if they have any Julia Child cookbooks!" After searching for about ten minutes, my husband wondered over and asked what I was looking for. I told him, he actually laughed at me, well not "at me, at me" he chuckled. He started to look as well and found a book almost right in front of me. Julia Child's How To Cook Cookbook, Hard bound and fairly thick. I couldn't wait to get it home and start pouring over it.

I love to cook, but I have a fairly small kitchen. I always seemed to be limited in my first marriage on really good kitchen supplies. So this time around I am blessed with a husband who indulges me when he can.

He showed up after work with a few new kitchen toys for me! I black ceramic holder for stainless steel kitchen utensils! A stainless steel food processor and a wooden roll cart with lift out shelf, drawer and cabinet! It took him and my son almost an hour to put it together. There are small bits of Styrofoam all over the living room. Glad I don't own a cat!

I had sent him a text requesting spices...I was trying one of the recipes in the cook book. He brought them home with the new kitchen toys. :)
 
The dinner came out wonderful! I was very surprised at myself at how wonderful it came out!

THE COOK BOOK

 The original price for that book was $50.00!

THE RECIPE

I was thrilled at how well it came out! (shameless plug for Half Price Books, where I bought the book)

KITCHEN CART

I already put the new food processor inside the cart :). As you can see by the pans drying on the stove Julia always seemed to use a lot of pans in her recipes so you can cook everything all at once.

THE FOOD PROCESSOR

I was so flustered trying to put that thing together! I figured it out though! (Ignore the piece of Styrofoam behind it...lol) (did you know spell check does not like the Styrofoam unless it is capitalized...ugh)

After putting that together and finishing up the pots and pans from dinner I was pretty much wiped out.

I use a chair when cooking so I don't hurt too much from my back problems. I do most of the prep work sitting at the kitchen table, getting up every 5 minutes or so so I don't get stiff. Tonight it sort of helped, because there was a lot of prep work, my son helped grind spices too.

I think I ruined my blender because I missed a footnote in her book about grinding your own spices. I forgot I had a small coffee grinder in the corner of the kitchen (probably why I forgot I had it, it's tucked away in a corner!) Anyway....I used my blender to grind CLOVES. Ugh, my plastic blender seems to be coated with a gritty substance that no matter how hard I scrub it won't come off. :( Off to wal-mart I go this weekend in search of a new blender. Sorry babe!

Well I guess I should head off to bed...it as after all after midnight.

See you next time for more Coffee and Conversation!

SOPA and Sensorship

Woke up in tremendous pain this morning. Wish I could go back to bed. I stayed up to late last night...sometimes I get into doing something and time just seems to slip away.

All the web is abuzz with SOPA. It's a law congress wants to pass about censorship. They want to make our lives like the movie 1984. It's sad really. They have no clue about how it will effect them as well and they seem not to care either.

This is what I posted on Facebook this morning about it...



"ARE YOU GUYS SO STUCK ON PLAYING YOUR GAMES? DO YOU PAY ANY ATTENTION TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD ANYMORE. DO YOU REALIZE IF THEY PASS THE SOPA BILL WE WILL LOSE MOST OF THE THINGS THAT WE LIKE ABOUT THE INTERNET. THEY WANT TO SENSOR EVERYTHING. NO MORE FACEBOOK FUN PHOTOS SNAGGED OFF THE WEB, NO MORE POSTING MUSIC VIDEOS WE LIKE TO HEAR AND MUCH MUCH MORE. CONGRESS WANTs TO PASS THE SOPA BILL AND MAKE OUR LIVES JUST LIKE THE MOVIE 1984, IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SHOULD! WAKE UP AMERICA, STOP PLAYING GAMES FOR ONE DAMNED DAY AND FIND OUT WHAT'S GOING ON THE WORLD!"




I am not sure how many people will actually pay attention to that message. At this point I think some people just don't care. I'm not sure half the people on Facebook even know what SOPA is or what it is all about! I guess you can say I feel pretty strongly about this issue.


Anyway...I am hoping to get more laundry done today....see if I can get Linux and Microsoft 7 to talk to each other, and get the dishes in the dishwasher put away.

Reminder! Pick up prescriptions today! lol. yeah I know , weird posting a reminder on a blog to pick up my meds...why not just leave a note on my cell to have the alarm go off...because by the time I find where I left my phone I will forget why i was looking for it! lol.


Just saw my son off to school, damn it's cold outside!  24 degress! Brrrrrr...I need to go make a cup of coffee and get this day started.


See you later for more coffee and conversation!

Lunch and Recreation.

So...now that I have played around with the settings in this thing I think I'm all set now. Created my own background and page logo. Tell me what you think of them. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Played around with the font settings and gadgets for the blog.

Hubby got to come home early today, brought me lunch from a place called Simply Burgers. Here's their Facebook page...

http://www.facebook.com/pages/simply-burgers-texas/126668814035673?sk=wall

The mushroom burger was good, thick patty, sourdough hamburger buns. The french fries were another story! Seriously wonderful french fries. So much for dieting huh. No seriously I am NOT on any diet.I do need to lose about 20 lbs though, gained them in the last two years and they won't go away!

He came home early to do some work at home. Stuff that he cannot do at the office. Which is fine with me, I love spending more time with him. You'd never think to look at us that we have been together for 11 years. We had someone tell us last week we act like an old married couple. I cracked up laughing.

He is so very supportive of me and helps me get around the house and even bought me this cute little step stool for getting in and out of the vehicles.

Anyway....if you live in the DFW area. You got try Simply Burgers.

We'll have new neighbors soon. There was a family looking at the house next door tonight. My son swears it's another family that already lives a couple of streets over.

After taking my pain meds this afternoon, I took a short half hour nap. Woke up just in time for my son to come home from school.

Was going to make oven baked pork chops tonight, but opted for a simple spaghetti instead. Was quick and easy. Didn't have to stand for too long at the stove, my son helped me make the sauce. He's getting to like cooking. We have a small kitchen and I end up having him leave so i don't bump into him and hurt myself or fall down. Bad enough trying to cook while using a cane.

Spent most of the morning until hubby came home researching how to get windows and Linux to duel boot on one machine, or to get windows 7 to boot inside of Linux, which from what I understand can't be done...not yet anyway. My brain was pretty much fried when he got here with lunch.

After lunch i worked on this blogs logo and main background. The cooked the spaghetti for dinner. I still have to do the dishes.

I also created this goofy pic my husband and I thought would be funny.

:)

He got mad at me ruining hard drive after hard drive while using Windows and finally said enough is enough, you are switching to a Linux based operating system. So I did. Very reluctantly! It's okay and has some very neat features, but I can't seem to use photoshop in it and that upsets me to no end!


Went and found Adam Sandler fan page on facebook. Funny stuff there. Watched him in Bedtime Stories the other night. Very cute movie.

I guess I'm pretty much done for the night. Going to head over to facebook and check in there  with my friends.

Until next time..see you for more coffee and conversation.

Anyone listening?

My husband figured this would be a good outlet for me. I'm kind of housebound at the moment. I get distracted easily and can't seem to stay focused on the task at hand, so he thought this might help me get a little bit more organized.

Lets see...where to begin...

I'm 44..I am married...you knew that already...I have 1 child...a very smart (and smart aleck) son and my best buddy Oscar the "deagle". He's a mixed breed of half Daschund and half short legged Beagle.

I have my coffee (with cream and sugar of course), now for some conversation...it's a fairly warm day out for the middle of winter, I have chores to do but wanted to get this started first before I begin them. I don't want to do them for two reasons...I hate folding clothes (who doesn't!) and I'm still in a lot of pain from yesterday.

I had a monsterous doctors appointment I almost didn't get to do. I had to do an IVP Exam. It's like an X-Ray but with a dye injected into you. It's to check your kidney's for kidney stones. Not very fun! Before you have to do the IVP you have to do what the docs lovenly call a "cleanout". I didn't find anything lovely about it all! So I spent all day Sunday drinking nothing but liquids and eating Lime Jello (never want to see another bowl of that ever again!)Then had to drink magnesium citrate solution...needless to say 5 and 1/2 hours later I was spending more time in the bathroom then with my husband in the living room.

Anyway...got the exam done the next day...but nor before almost not getting to do it. After spending much time in the bathroom the night before and the morning of the exam they hand me this little plastic cup with a lid and say we need you to prove your not pregnant. What? Seriously? I just spent all night and half the morning in the bathroom! I have nothing left! They said they just need a tiny amount just three drops. I didn't want to have to redo the prep for this test ever again...back to the bathroom I go...I sat there praying to God to help me pee! He came through for me...three drops was needed I gave them 6!

They escorted me into the x-ray room...it's always freezing in there. I had to lay on this stainless steel table with nothing but a sheet over me. (yes I had on medical scrubs top and bottoms...get your mind out of the gutter) After laying perfectly still with a wedge under my knees for the first three sets of x-rays, they put in an IV and brought over this syringe that looked like an over grown turkey baster! This thing was at least an inch round and 4 inches long!

She tells me..."now you're going to get very warm either in your groin or your chest, it's perfectly normal". She said warm, not hot! Holy cow! It took less than 5 seconds to start feeling the effects of it. Took 3 more normal sets with me laying flat on my back, they took away the knee wedge. They bring in a triangle shaped blue covered piece of foam. Okay I think they are going to put that under my knees. Nope! The roll me on my side and put it under my right side then roll me back onto it and my back. I tell them this hurts because of the rods and screws in my spine. (I'll explain those later) They say just hang on we're almost done. After 2 pictures that way, they removed the wedge. I breathed a sigh of relief. Not for long though, they then rolled me again, this time onto my other side, "here we go again" I thought. More pain for almost 3 minutes. By the time they were done I was in tears. I just wanted to get up and go home and lay on my hot pad. I was cold and in a good amount of pain. They had to redo one of the x-rays. I started to quietly cry again.

After the exam I requested a copy of the images for my own records (always a good idea!) I was then told I could go get dressed and return to the lobby. It took me damn near 15 minutes just to put on a pair of sweat pants, bra, t-shirt, sweater and shoes. I crabbed my cane. NOT my regular forearm crutch...that got lost (by accident) but a regular cane, which I hate. They are not very stable.

Waited for about another ten minutes, when the nurse came back out and handed me the disc of my copies of the pics. We left and headed straight to The Original Pancake House for breakfast. Expensive but worth it! I was finally able to take a pain pill! I hadn't been able to for over 24 hours! I ordered coffee (their coffee if very bitter) orange juice (fresh squeezed) and Eggs Benedict. My fav way to eat eggs. I love Holendaise sauce!

After breakfast we headed to my husbands work place so he could pick something up. I didn't make it that far. I feel asleep in the truck, even though the roads were we live are horrible. The last two days had caught up with me. After finally getting home. I crashed for another two hours.

Today i am going to take it fairly easy and let my body get the rest it needs. I do need to go fold those clothes in the dryer though. NOT an easy task for me. Over the last two years I have had to relearn how to do almost everything in a new way so I don't hurt myself. (I'll explain all about that later). For now I'm going to go get another cup of coffee and start that laundry. Maybe stop over in Facebook for a bit, then figure out how to put Linux and Windows on one laptop! Ugh! Not looking forward to that!

See you later on with more coffee and conversation!